A Nomadic Soul-Searching Party Holiday

Dear-o-dear, is it really necessary to post this kind of thing on a blog that I know will be read by my friends and family… well of course it’s not but I’m going to post it anyway because it makes up what was the foundations of this trip and now decides the fate of the next three months here in brazil and consequently the type of journey that lies ahead, one which has now taken the shape of a nomadic soul searching party holiday.

The words that run through my head now are the ones that ran through his just over 18 months ago. How corny to quote a song but what better way to put it than this…“it was not your fault but mine, And it was your heart on the lineI really fucked I up this time,Didn’t I, my dear”

The fact of the matter is that we wouldn’t be in this situation had it not been for his betrayal the first time. And it was the long, dark funnel of hate and misery after that perfidy that has made up my mind to travel alone through Brazil, despite what may have been interpreted as a promise. I knew that the time would come when I would have to tell him that, and I thought that he would have been smart enough to see it coming…but love is a blinding force and I assume he was very much blinded.

For me it’s a matter of staying strong and sticking to my guns, I’ve got to do this for myself because I feel like it’s the right thing. My experience with you would be amazing, I know that, we’ve done it before, here in Brazil nonetheless and I loved it, but it couldn’t be perfect and it couldn’t be what it was. I know it sounds absurd but I’ve got to take the other option because I have no idea what its going to be like, I’ll never get anywhere in life if I take the easy road all the time.

You only get out what you put in..and Brazil, I’ve put it all in…