Ready To Run

And just when I thought that I’d thought and thought about every split second of the 24 hours that followed their accident, here in a room in Brazil at 2:40 in the morning something has come into my head that has taken me to a place very far from sleep. It has made my heart race and sweat form between heavy and uneven gasps for air.

Imagine if I had answered the phone. Imagine if I had raced the 100 dark meters to the kitchen and picked up the phone to hear her voice in the wrong place on the other end. To hear something that in my most inconsolable and dreadful nightmares I could not have imagined. Imagine if I had to hear that and understand that by myself, like she had to live it and feel it. I would have to lift my own self from my knees on the cold concrete and try to breathe. And then the most frightening thought of all…that somehow and someway I would have to get myself to Lance and Kylie’s place to tell what I knew. To tell the something that would change everyone’s lives.

Up until now I’ve not wanted to forgive myself for not getting up to answer that call.